They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
we should paint friendship bongs
I woke up under a house in Key West
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
