She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
