I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
