All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
