I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
