I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
