i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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