I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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