I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
