I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
what day is it and did you see me today?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
