I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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