is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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