Just took my morning after pill in the library
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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