I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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