wakey wakey hands off snakey
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
