People in love make me want to vomit
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
