I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
