I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
