Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
