His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
