I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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