Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
