it wasn't lemon gatorade
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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