she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
