Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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