woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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