just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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