My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
