It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
