is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
