I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
