man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
