Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
