Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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