Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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