My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
