I feel like abortions should bother me more
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
