She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
