Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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