On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
