playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
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