ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
