Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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