I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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