i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
