I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
