Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
