dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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