I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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