So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
