she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I need moral support for this bender
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
