you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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