haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
