my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
false alarm. still invincible.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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