at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The air was thick with penises
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
