I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Randomize
